As I draw ever closer to having a high schooler in my home, I find myself talking with parents of high school students and getting more scared every day.
Recently, I learned of a neighbor who was fined $900 by the police for hosting a party and serving alcohol to high school students! Worse still – she denied them access to her home in hopes of protecting the children she’d served.
So, why do some parents think supervised underage drinking is acceptable? Is it because they are more interested in being popular than in raising responsible adults? Because let’s be honest, responsible parents don’t encourage and enable their kids to break the law.
I would like to think we parents are united in discouraging our kids from drinking underage. A high school age child is at minimum three years from the legal drinking age. By this logic are we also giving our thirteen year-old the car keys or encouraging our fifteen year old to vote?
Yeah, I don’t get it.
Worse still – she denied them access to her home in hopes of protecting the children she’d served.
Wisconsin was recently ranked number one in the nation for binge drinking by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). The 2011 CDC study of more than 400,000 people found that nearly 23 percent of Wisconsin residents of legal age fell into the “binge drinker” category, which was defined as a man consuming five or more drinks and a woman consuming four or more drinks in a day during the previous month.
I was surprised to make this discovery, and I have to admit, it’s changed
my attitude about my own drinking to learn that I have had occasion to be a
member of this very embarrassing “club."
National Public Radio (NPR) recently covered a study reported in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, JSAD Study comparing a “zero-tolerance” approach to underage drinking with “harm minimization” (the theory that using alcohol under supervision prepares youths for making better choices later on).
The study revealed that the harm minimization approach is less effective than a zero tolerance policy wherein consumption is restricted to those of legal age. Underage children that were exposed and encouraged to try alcohol were found to engage in more excessive drinking practices later on. This report is a wake-up
call for all the parents out there who think they are helping prepare their
kids for college by allowing them to engage in alcohol consumption at
home.
The truth is, unless you’re coaching them on how to do a beer bong or a keg stand, little of what you do at home will resemble their college experience anyway.
I know I was put on this earth to be my children’s parent, not their friend – and I have no desire to be their drinking buddy.
So, what’s a parent to do? I wish I knew for sure.
What I do know is that my first allegiance is to my children’s safety. And hopefully, the threat of losing the freedom they love will incent them to make good decisions as they navigate their teen years. But if they don’t, I promise not to shield them from the consequences of their behavior. I know I was put on this earth to be my children’s parent, not their friend – and I have no desire to be their drinking buddy.
And for the parent who insists on offering their underage children
alcohol – don’t presume it’s okay to encourage my child to engage in illegal
acts. And for Heaven’s sake, don’t be surprised when your kid decides they are above other laws like speed limits and shoplifting… because haven’t you shown them that you get to decide which laws to abide and which to break?
The bottom line is whether you agree with it or not, the 21-year-old legal drinking age is the law of the land, and we are all obliged to uphold it.
you can drive in most States at age 16 (some even younger) you can go to war at 18 you can choose your next representatives and president at 18 YET you can ONLY legally drink at 21?
What I don't understand is why parents focus on forbidding the wrong things. Drinking is bad, m'kay? So don't do it until you're 21, m'kay? And then it's legal and okay, m'kay? Rather than focusing on drinking as the evil, tell your kids about the physical toll of heavy alcohol use, especially at a young age. Talk about the humiliation of throwing up at a party and doing goodness knows what. Tell them how drinking shots in rapid succession could actually kill them. Tell them about the stupidity of doing any hazardous activity (especially driving) while compromised. However, 'physically and mentally compromised' should mean the effects of alcohol, drugs both illegal and prescription, sever fatigue, and illness.
Then, predictably, there was a rise in alcohol-related auto accidents for 18 year-olds and the age went up to 19; then further back to 21 under pressure from groups like MADD at the federal level. (I would suspect there is a corresponding increase in alcohol related crashes for the 1 year-olds, because that will happen with any 'new' group.) Why can we drive at 16 (and furthermore be tried as adults at an even younger age)? Pragmatism. American parents are tired of chauffeuring their kids everywhere by the age of 16. A 16 year-old's physical reflexes are good enough to handle an automobile, although I'm not so sure about the mental judgement in all cases. As far as I'm concerned, in our attempt to make things safe, we've sent a lamentable message, telling a group of young people we don't trust them to obey the laws already in place. So in some jurisdictions, a 14 year-old can be held accountable for a capital crime and even executed, but an 18 year-old can't buy a six-pack of beer and drink it at home.
American society already tried zero tolerance with the Volstead Act, with disastrous results. I'm slightly worried that today's generation has forgotten that lesson.
I was never pressured into drinking - I drank for the above reasons.
They have acknowedged that the current age of 21 contributes to binge drinking.
We as a culture have not set clear lines for acceptable behavior. We have set zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol; while leave sex acceptable and should be practiced with caution as long as you don't get caught. We preach to our children one way of living and they turn on MTV and see the opposite behavior. Jersey Shore is built on the party lifestyle; the FUN, sexy party lifestyle. Almost every mainstream program after 7pm offers its most positive spin on actions we as parents would not let our children part take in. Even video games promote lifestyles not normally allowed by parents. Imagine my horror when I watched a video game preview, with my child, on Youtube where the main character pulls a 36" dildo out of his jacket and begins beating people with it. I told him it was a 'night stick'; therefore, it couldn't technically be called a lie. The most well mannered well adjusted teens/young adults are those that had parents involved in every aspect of their life. Monitor what they text, facebook or email. Know their friends and friends parents. It sounds untrusting; however, you need to correct issues as they occur. If you have never questioned your high school students behavior until they get an underage drinking ticket or come home drunk or high; it is probably to late and the course correction will be much more painful for everyone involved. If you are involved, you will know when they start to stray.
I gave my son pretty much the same advice about sex as I did for drinking. Go ahead and have sex -- with yourself or someone else -- when you feel ready, BUT never hurt anyone while you do it. No babies you're not ready for. No spreading of disease. No telling someone you love them when you don't. No breaking of hearts. That's the same rules for sex within marriage, when you come to think about it. There's nothing wrong with sex or drinking per se. It's how and when they're done. We as a culture haven't set the lines for acceptable behavior because we don't all agree on them ourselves. The important thing for parents and children is not to be hypocritical -- if you set a limit for your child, you had best observe it yourself.
I look at the issue of cell phones as an indulgence that kids are given at a younger and younger age. TVs and computers in bedrooms also are bad ideas. The list could go on and on. I am a believer of giving kids what they need and withholding that which they don't need. I am fortunate to live in Shorewood where we have excellent public transportation. From an early age my children walked, rode their bicycles or road the bus. If my kids wanted to learn to drive, they got out, found a job and paid for their own drivers education, along with their insurance. I have never bought any of them a car and if they needed to use a car they drove the family car. the two youngest started working while still in high school and have continued right through university and graduate school. They are paying for their educations and such know the value of that education. As you say we Americans are hypocritical; puritanical to a fault on the one had and materially over indulgent on the other. Not only don't we keep our expectations reasonable but also confusing.
When something so benign is banned as a hard core drug --- and studies have shown it is less harmful than alcohol overall, and not addicting as alcohol is --- then it brings into questions all of our drug laws. If you think beating your kid would make them change, you would probably be surprised that it would have just the opposite affect -- aside from putting into jail for domestic abuse.
The last time we traveled to Northern Europe my son was 16 and my daughter 12. He had a very good time as he had plenty of opportunities to party in Denmark, Sweden and Germany. In fact, I had the honor of taking him into the "red light" district of Hamburg for a walk around. He made great friends and is planning on going back over as soon as he is finished with graduate school. My daughter enjoyed herself also, but she was a bit young to fully experience the whole European experience. Both of them have learned how to get around on the rail system and what hostels are all about. Since I am retired I don't have the opportunity to get over there as much as I used to. I had the opportunity to experience the Mediterranean by living in Spain, Italy, Sicily and Greece. I wished everyone could do that, there would be a great deal more tolerance.
One warning that I was adamant about, if you get a girl in trouble you will be responsible. You will not shirk your responsibility. He went through a rough spot after high school. Got tangled up with a very wild girl. I talked to him about it all the time. And I know there were times he detested me for it. Luckily he lived through that time and came out of it very well.
At least we are not in Florida.. You do not need to even go on a patio, porch, or deck to get a hole blown in your chest. You can even be sober.