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Self Defense vs. Self Defense

The Trayvon Martin case in Florida has serious implications for teens of all races. If we as adults do not adjust the way we interact with our youth, the future will be unbearable.

As a parent of an African American teenager, the Trayvon Martin story makes me ill with sadness. As someone who has made a career working with young people, it makes me fearful of what our young people think of us adults.

If you have not heard the story of Travyon Martin, look it up.

Most of you have heard about it via various outlets at this point. As I read the details of the story that were released, I can't help but think of the instructions I give my own child as he walks through the neighborhood.

Don't talk to strangers. If you notice someone following you, run. If you find yourself in the position where you feel threatened enough by the stranger to fight, then by all means do so. Do what you need to extricate yourself from the danger.

Trayvon Martin followed these same steps, and as he wrestled his pursuer was shot and killed. His attacker claimed self defense, and has yet to be arrested. I have been puzzled as to how to frame this situation with my sons -- African American boys, who have a fondness for hooded sweatshirts -- as do many of their White friends.

Do I change their dress code? Do I escort them as they walk through the neighborhood? Do I tell them to stop and chat with anyone who asks where they are going and what their business is? My answer to all of these is "no."

How do I explain to them, that as African American males, they can never assume that they are above suspicion -- regardless of where they are, and when they are doing absolutely nothing.

Consider the state of teens throughout the country, and think of the state fair incident last summer, the school shootings, and the bullying. Our young people are telling us something. The world we are giving them is unacceptable, and they know it.

When one of their own gets killed essentially for walking while dressed like most of the teenagers in the country dressed, with no repurcussions, how do we tell them that the world has any sense of order? Life isn't fair. I tell my sons this as a first tenet of manhood. I never imagine that the degree unfairness could be fatal.

Taoist Crocodile March 29, 2012 at 07:39 pm
Why? Because our society has decided that children are more valuable for their consumer spending than for their human potential.
Because the short-sightedness of our corporate culture treats the youth as a resource, from which money (theirs or their parents') can be extracted. As a result, any messages that get them buying are right, proper, and fair game, regardless of the effect on their self-image. Think this isn't a new problem? It's scope has increased exponentially with the rise of ubiquitous advertising. What is our culture now? It is advertising, Of all of the messages, claims, and promises that a young person hears, what percentage do you think are advertisements? Advertisements with no loyalty to the truth? Easily over 95%. Per Lyle's point below - this is, in fact, a new problem. The ocean of commercial media is a psychological assault.
Taoist Crocodile March 29, 2012 at 07:42 pm
Strangely enough, JB, I think we agree on this (see my response to DJ above).
I happen to believe that the problem isn't media itself, but commercial, profit-driven media. Media beholden to nothing but the bottom line. In other words, markets run amok.
Lyle Ruble March 29, 2012 at 08:04 pm
@J.B. Schmidt....My intent of making the quote was to illustrate that adults and parents are always behind the curve when it comes to dealing with youth and children. We do have new challenges, including many that have already been illustrated and mentioned. I really think that kids are the barometer of what's going on in the larger culture. I find it terribly sad that so many fear their children and children of others. But this is a general indication of a splintered society which is searching for new meanings to define itself. One of the elements present in our contemporary society is the hatred and distrust now permeating the media. This incident in Florida illustrates how divided we have become and how quickly we are to start pointing fingers at one another blaming and condemning. In problem solving it is not the problem that is the issue but the solution. The need and ability to change must be perceived and embraced.
Sofia Reino March 29, 2012 at 08:12 pm
@Lyle you DO have a great point and I think are right on track. TV, the media, commercials and the easy access to all is impacting tremendously our kids. We as parents have to be on top of it all, talk a lot with our kids and be open about it. In this generation the challenges are others and the main problem is that they are constantly changing almost on a daily basis. Also the actual lack of communication between tweens and teens nowadays worries me. They "talk" through texting, through IMs and so on. We are loosing direct contact, thought-out conversations. Which brings me to another point. I DO love the idea DJ has for the MPS schools, but I would say it would be amazing to see that in every school. Letting the kids have a chance at talking, expressing their feelings, being themselves and having us adults (parents, teachers, even other official authorities) listen to them without interrupting. It would help us better understand their minds, stress, worries and so on.
Lyle Ruble March 29, 2012 at 08:30 pm
@Taoist Crocodile...the concerted effort of media advertising to create indiscriminate consumption is nothing new. It began in earnest with the introduction of television in the early 1950s. As more media channels have evolved the more we and our kids have been assaulted. For example; cell phones as a safety device. I think most parents rationalize a cell phone for their child to be used in case of emergency or a means for the child to call the parent or the parent to call the child. This may be all well and good, but what has evolved is something entirely unnecessary; where kids are connected 24/7, are able to access the internet and the ability to constantly game.
In general, I think parents don't have the courage to tell their children no and have some misplaced priorities. Parents are concerned to not feed their kids sugary cereals but in turn buy their kids 4G smart phones.
Lyle Ruble March 29, 2012 at 08:43 pm
@Sofia Reino...There is no substitute for personal relationships. Our children and children of others are not just after thoughts. I grew up in a simpler world than my children, but I am well connected with them because we dialogued constantly. I knew and know their friends, I know their strengths and challenges, I know where they can be trusted and where they can't, and I love them without condition. However, they were well aware of our expectations, where the boundaries were concerning behavior for both them and their peers. I was deeply involved with their peers and not afraid to engage them when they were stepping off the path. I have been gently honest with both the peers and their parents. My children's peers knew I genuinely cared about them and they would come to me before they would to their own parents. I didn't rescue them but helped them with facing consequences. In fact some my oldest children's childhood friends still call me some thirty years later. I became a father figure for those that didn't have a dad at home. They knew I could be trusted not to inappropriately share their confidences and that I wouldn't tolerate self-destructive behavior. I was not my kid's friend nor was I their enemy, I was and am their father.
Sofia Reino March 29, 2012 at 08:59 pm
@Lyle: and that is admirable. I too am very connected with my daughter. For all I know she may be one of the few at her school without an internet phone. She can call and text and that is that. She has no need for anything else. She also knows well a cell as well as Internet access is a privilege not the norm. I remove them whenever I see the need to. My home is always an open door to all kids as first and foremost I love having them around, but also it is a good way to getting to know them. Dinner time is dinner time, where we all talk as a family. We all eat what is cooked, whether they like it or not, we always start with news of the day where even my toddler gets involved. We have a very open dialogue going and I do not hid much from them. They realize life is tough and the more they learn now the easier it will be once they are on their own. Everyone has chores (and that is not just cleaning up their own things). I am also a big believer that a parent is a parent and not a friend nor an enemy. I use my love for food to keep us all together, cook together, help each other and so on. I want to make sure the day they fly with their own wings they are ready for life. Not only knowing how to take care of themselves but also make the right decisions. I let my oldest learn from her own mistakes and let her figure it out on her own. I do not cover up, I do not do things for her. Am just here to guide her.
Taoist Crocodile March 29, 2012 at 09:08 pm
@ Lyle,;
Right, my point was that there is a difference of scope, and it's significant enough of a difference to represent a new danger. All parenting 101 classes should include the following oath: "I promise to tell my children that almost everything on TV, on radio, on the internet, on billboards, on posters, in the toy store, in the grocery store, in newspapers and in magazines, is a lie and a trick to take their money."
J. B. Schmidt March 29, 2012 at 09:14 pm
@Sofia
It is good to know that I am the only 'strict' (as my oldest would say) parent. I parent in much the same way you do. I always tell him I am not strict, I am loving. He usually just rolls his eyes and walks away.
Sofia Reino March 29, 2012 at 09:29 pm
@Lyle: I am often know as the "mean Mom" in a loving way from different friends of my daughter as I put them all to work when they come over and I tell them I give tough love!
Bren March 29, 2012 at 09:47 pm
Didn't then-governor of Florida Jeb Bush sign the Stand Your Ground bill with a smiling NRA lobbyist standing next to him? I believe some people build intellectual walls so fortified, so impenetrable, that the real world becomes distorted. Even without the apparent (as apparent as the video footage showing a hale and hearty Zimmerman walking around after the shooting but innocent until proven guilty, etc.) shenanigans surrounding the Martin case, this law makes the already-difficult job of bringing criminals to justice in Florida that much harder. A ridiculous law. Tell me how Jeb Bush isn't an indirect party to this young man's death.
Jorge March 29, 2012 at 09:52 pm
This Martin is turning out to be a real bad as@. And Zimmerman was carrying a weapon as his right and because the police can not protect the neighborhood since he was acting as a neighborhood watch. If Martin had left the area peacefully since he did not belong there and did not attack Zimmerman he would be home alive now. Concerned citizens are the best prevented action since police are basically investigators. Not good enough. First responders are always the citizens and if they had the tools, crime would go down.
Randy1949 March 29, 2012 at 09:58 pm
@Jorge -- Did not belong there? He was staying with his father, who lived in the community. George Zimmerman had no right to ask him to leave any area.
J. B. Schmidt March 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm
@Bren
You are a fool. No stand your ground law allows for the easy use of murder. If Martin was shot in cold blood, the Stand your Ground law doesn't even come up. If Martin turned on Zimmerman and did begin smashing head into the ground it is self defense. If you want implicate Jeb and the NRA, why not include the gun mfg. Aren't they just as responsible under your logic.
Jorge March 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Once upon a time, back when the "Rule of Law" was enforced in this Country, before the "News" organizations weren't run by the entertainment departments and the real facts were sought, before the MSM wasn't controlled by the left wing PC crowd A person was innocent until proven guilty.
Now I guess the Black Panthers have stepped into the obvious leadership vacuum and it is not politically correct to point out that they are thugs and low lifes, because they are Holder's People".
Jorge March 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm
good point Alfred.
Golda Meir once said: " Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us." Fact is, the black people and Dems who are rallying behind this cause don't CARE if he was a murderous little thug....he is simply a means to an end, nothing more.....they don't care about Trayvon, why the hell should I?
James R Hoffa March 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm
I thought that dark aviator sunglasses and a hoodie was a racially neutral stereotype of an anti-government / anarchist / domestic terrorist type first made popular by Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber). Since when did it get associated strictly with African American youth?
Someone had better inform professional poker player Phil Laak!
Randy1949 March 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Since when has Geraldo Rivera ever been known for the wisdom of his comments?
Hoodies can just mean you like to keep warm. I know that's why I wear them.
Craig March 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm
TC: and the media: Don't forget they manipulate the news to gain our viewership and thus make money off of us.....in the process, they make fools of us because we are at their mercy to report the truth.
The truth to this story is so screwed up and twisted I would not dare to make an assumption of who is guilty.
DJ Bradley March 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm
JRH, you raise a good point. The Unabomber has been TOTALLY slighted in this discussion! :-) All this talk about hoodies, and no one has yet to mention the one man who single-handedly popularized this garment in the mainstream! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Unabomber-sketch.png
Ima Hippee March 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Bren,
Um, Jeb Bush is not an indirect party to this crime.
Craig March 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm
LOL...I almost forgot what hoodies looked like back in the day. When they were the size to fit, and not 3 times too large. Waaaay back when pants were worn to cover your junk, smoking lounges were in High Schools, and kids were kids.
All in all- not enough has changed....
Pat R March 30, 2012 at 12:01 am
There have been some great comments in this post, but I would add the lack of personal accountability - society has become a victimization mentality society - it starts with everyone gets a trophy, everyone is a success, if you don't do something it is not your fault, you have (insert condition). I say coming in second makes you strive to do better, that failing is a great teacher, and we all have issues that must be overcome and not with the use of some pill with massive costs (read - profits). While I am being very general, we don't teach personal values and responsibility but focus on its societies fault and I am a victim (for what ever reason), this leads to a lack of respect, not only of any authority (parents, teaches, etc), but of ones self, because a victim is not responsible, if no responsibility, no consequence for actions, and without consequence there is no reason to follow any rules, so no need to show respect for others or self but will demand respect be shown. This interacts with the push to eradicate religion (which, BTW, I am not a big fan of) for if there is no beyond, no soul, added to no consequences for personal behavior, than what is there? Hedonism? And that is where the youth of today are heading. Thanks to the 80s me generation, whose kids are the parents of today.
James R Hoffa March 30, 2012 at 12:16 am
@DJ -
That's exactly what I'm saying here! No love for good old Ted - what is this country coming to? Next we'll be slighting Manson when some new goofball tattoos or carves a swastika into their forehead. Oh the humanity of it all!
Taoist Crocodile March 30, 2012 at 02:08 pm
AWD, the Klan called - your hood and robes are due for routine maintenance.
235301 March 30, 2012 at 02:44 pm
@Taoist: What a load of cr*p. The parents are the greatest single influence on a child. If you don't want your children to see the advertising message then turn off the TV, control their internet and keep the cell phones out of their hands. And if they do see messages you don't want them to see then it's your responsibility to sit down with them and discuss it(again, here's your chance to influence, get in the game). Your BS is just more excuse making and absolving yourself from the responsibility.
"My kids are fat because of the evil food suppliers". Wrong. It's because you refused to take control of their diet and feed them nutritious foods, thereby making it a habit for them. "My kid got busted for smoking pot the other night. Evil cops should have let them party in peace." A no, you should be setting a good example for your kids and talking to them about avoiding drug and alcohol use and why. No, you shouldn't be firing up a blunt in the house in front of your kids like it's no big deal. Your kids are a representation of you. If they are mess, it follows that you are a mess.
Randy1949 March 30, 2012 at 04:34 pm
@25301 -- I actually agree with you, except I prefer to lead by example rather than control. I would no more limit my child's access to TV or the internet than I would limit his access to the library simply because he might check out a lame YA book. There is quality to be found anywhere, which my son proved in his teen years when he chose to watch Discovery, TLC, and the History Channel on cable rather than MTV, Interestingly, that's what is usually on when I visit him now that he's grown.
Stormy Weather March 30, 2012 at 04:50 pm
Heather A. - Zimmerman did call the police and if you listen to the phone call, the only thing Zimmerman did wrong at this point was to get out of his vehicle and follow Trayvon. And quite honestly we don't know how far he followed Trayvon. We don't know if he was walking fast and following him, or if he was running after Trayvon. All we know is that the dispatcher says, "Are you following him?" Zimmerman says, "Yeah". The dispatcher says, "OK. We don’t need you to do that". Zimmerman then says, "OK".
None of us know what happened that night because we weren't there. If Zimmerman shot Trayvon for no reason, then he should be held accountable. If on the other hand, Trayvon was beating Zimmerman to the point that Zimmerman feared for his life, then he had every right to protect himself. People need to step back and let the system work. Trayvon's family has a right to raise all the questions that are necessary to bring out the truth. On the other hand George Zimmerman is innocent until proven guilty and he has been unfairly crucified in the court of public opinion. Eventually, all the evidence will be gathered and at that time law enforcement and the court system will determine whether or not this was a justified shooting.
Stormy Weather March 30, 2012 at 05:02 pm
And another thing... It really bothers me when people say that, Trayvon Martin was armed with candy. Zimmerman had a gun." Yes, Zimmerman had a gun that he was licensed to carry. But on the other hand, if Trayvon used the can to hit Zimmerman, it then becomes a weapon. If it's true that Trayvon was was beating Zimmerman, then his hands have now become enough of a weapon that George Zimmerman may have feared for his life.
Again... We don't know what happened. It may turn out that Zimmerman shot an unarmed 17 year old and should be held accountable. Or it may turn out that Zimmerman feared for his life, and this is just another unfortunate, tragic death of a 17 year old.
Taoist Crocodile March 30, 2012 at 05:03 pm
@235301;
Respectfully, you need to learn how to read. I'm not making excuses for anyone; I'm saying that parents need to open their eyes and realize that the only bias that exists in the media is a commercial bias. Kids need to be taught, from an early age, to be skeptical of all media. They need to learn that, sadly, the right of corporations to go after their wallets and their identities is sacrosanct in our society. DJ's question is, "what is happening to young people?" He also made it clear that he was applying the question to young people of all races. The answer is not only that American consumer culture takes no responsibility for their minds, other then to make every effort to warp them into stupid, pliable consumers; the answer is also that American consumer culture is now very effective at doing that, and that the youth realize this is going on, while many of their elders do not. As, clearly, you do not.

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